Why do we miss someone who hurt us?

How many time it happens with you when you are missing someone who actually hurt you? I know it happens many times when you miss someone who hurt in the past but still due to your affection for him/her you miss them. Now the obvious question come to our mind is Why the hack it happen? Why I miss someone who hurt me? Well, let me try to explain this to you.

The psychological explanation for this is quite easy. And knowing the exact reason why you miss someone who has hurt you can and will help you to heal better. With that being said, let’s jump right into it.

The most fundamental reason why we miss someone or something is that once it made us feel good. Our brain functions in a very different way than we might assume. Its job is to keep you safe and happy at this particular moment. That is all it do.

Now you may think how is it helping me by reminding me of the very person who screwed me over! Isn’t it the very thing that is causing me pain!

And to answer that I will have to tell you that Your brain does not know the freaking difference.

If you were in a relationship for a long time, (or even if it was short and you were very much attached to that person) then the chances are whenever you were alone, sad, felt hurt, were happy you shared it with that person and they listened to you or supported you that made you feel good. Our brain releases a hormone call Dopamine (remember this name) that makes us feel good. And it is Highly addictive (It is the same hormone that is released when we smoke, drink and do drugs).

Now when they have left you, have hurt you, chances are you are feeling lonely, afraid, empty and sad. Guess what your brain is trying to do to make you feel good. Reminding you of the person who was the reason for that sweet sweet dopamine at times like these, hoping it will make you feel good (Interestingly, this can be a reason why people tend to do drugs and consume alcohol after a heartache, it gives your brain the dose of dopamine it is craving for). But as our brain also knows the very fact that they are not in our life anymore, it causes conflicts between what you know, and what your past behavioral patterns are. This causes the feeling of helplessness. As we know we want something, and can’t get it anymore.

To change this just change your behavioral patterns. Talk to someone you like when you feel lonely (Like your crush, a friend, your family). Do things you are passionate about, travel, talk. Do anything and everything (Except drugs, if you don’t love your life) to give your brain the necessary dose of dopamine so it doesn’t crave it from that particular person. And with time, your brain will form new habits, connect your happiness to new things and people, and one day you will wake up and realize that you have moved on.

So the above science is a must to understand. Why? Because if you really want to move away from the left people you have to understand yourself and your patterns. Now once you understand that this all is happening because of chemicals and hormones you also know that how to balance them. So next time when you feel alone and when you miss someone remember your body is craving for Dopamine. Try the ways to give a dose of above chemical to your body so that you will no more miss that particular person and you will feel better.

Hope you must have understood the science and also how to move away from the loneliness feeling. If not please feel free to comment in the comment box below.

“Never miss someone feel them in the air.”

Remember Life Is Awesome. Enjoy it 🙂